I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My ass is underappreciated
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
