You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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