You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
