The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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