She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
