Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize