i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
