I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
