I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
