Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize