I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My bed smells like the plague
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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