we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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