I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she pinky promised me she was 18
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I supernannyed him into submission
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize