I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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