She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize