How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
