Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
