What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
