I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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