THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
