your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
