yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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