I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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