Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
this hospital has no fireball
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
