Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
