I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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