Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
being pregnant is like rehab
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
