you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
