All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I love having hate sex.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
