Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
and she was petting her beer can
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
