I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
