let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
