I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
