Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
