"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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