Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
