she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
