I just saw a hot homeless man
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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