I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize