I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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