whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
