I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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