How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
