You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
