My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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