ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
