I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i think i just lost a toe
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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