do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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