So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
