Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
