she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
