Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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