i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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