lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
