Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize