everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
