i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
