His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize