Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
