A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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