he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
