Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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