so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
