took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
