1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize