She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
