what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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