He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
