Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
