Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she peed on how many people?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize