I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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