Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
