Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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