I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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