if you like me you must not know who I am
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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