Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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