My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
