i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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