I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
