You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
