Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
