are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
