Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
