he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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