There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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