My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize