dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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