u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
