420 ftw
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize