I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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