Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
