put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
