Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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