well you can't waste a boner
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
