I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
