I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
