I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
