All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize