Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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