a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
