she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
