If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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