dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
this will be a night to untag.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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