I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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