I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
