He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
