you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
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