I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
