You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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