somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
