As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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