You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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